Maybe the problem is not "them".

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Ok, lets cut through the hype of social media where everything is great, every service is packed, and every person on my team is a #legend. The truth of the matter is, myself and my entire team are working harder than ever before and we are not seeing the results that we would like to see in the lives of people or our church. 

We are almost four and a half years into this church plant thing and sure we can make things sound great by posting quotes like "What started out as a small group gathering in my home has now grown to two locations across two states". Wow! That sounds big. Wow! That sounds exciting. Wow! That sounds like God is moving like never before! But the truth of the matter is our new 5pm Saturday Night Service has not taken off like I thought it would, we have had a bit of a revolving door of team members, money is tight, and I am getting more and more bald everyday because of it. 

Something needs to change and I've come to the conclusion the thing that needs to change just might be ME.

There is one thing that has been the same since TheCHURCH was planted and that is the fact that I have always been the one in charge. I am the Pastor of TheCHURCH. So maybe just maybe, if we are not reaching as many people on the weekend as I would like, if teams are not as efficient as they could be, if we are not seeing disciples raised up at the rate they I had hoped we would, and I am the one in charge, then maybe I am part of the problem. Maybe I need to change! 

TheCHURCH needs a new leader!

So I have decided to become one! This week myself and a few team member are starting Carey Nieuwhof's "Breaking 200 without breaking you" training course. I've never been more humbled, excited, and challenged. 

Today, I don't have 3 points or 2 things that you need to do to improve. In fact, I really don't know why I am sharing this with you today. Maybe it's just good to get it off my chest, or maybe I am hoping there are others out there like me that aren't happy with the status quo and are feeling challenged to change. 

If you are like me, I'd love to hear your story or maybe even connect. There are no strings. I am not after anything other than connecting, growing and learning. So feel free to comment below or email me at growmoore@gmail.com. 

 

 

 

 

 

Dealing with confrontation.

When dealing with confrontation, most of us were taught the "confrontation sandwich". Let the person you are confronting know, "Here is what your doing good, here is what your doing wrong, and then end the conversation on a high note letting them know something they are doing really well". We are taught to do this with the hope that taking the time to talk about the good will soften the blow of what they are doing wrong. 

I don't subscribe to the confrontation sandwich theory ... here is why. 

With some people, the two compliments to one correction will have them leaving saying, " Hey actually I’m doing pretty good … I’ve done two things right and only one thing wrong".

Here is how you handle confrontation:

1 - Confront them personally.

Always be man or woman enough to talk to the person personally about the situation, do not tear them down privately behind closed doors to your other team members. Chewing people up in private, sows a bad seed of distrust with you and with the other employees / team members in your ministry or organization.  

I worked at a place of business like that before. Whoever wasn't at the table got ripped apart. It did not take too long before I began to wonder, when I am not at the table, am I getting talked about as well?  There was very little trust between teammates and supervisors which caused us all to severely underperform.  

2 - Confront quickly and conversationally. 

When someone is dropping the ball, don’t wait till the small problem grows into a large one, and then hold a big private meeting with them to talk about the situation. When something happens, just pull them aside and talk to them about the situation. You need to develop a work environment where people can speak freely, conversationally and improve quickly 

3 - Confront Head On.

When you confront, be open and get to the point. "Hey, we are going to have a tough conversation. The reason is, I really care about you and I care about the company, so lets talk about a few things ....". 

No one likes confrontation. But I've found that these three steps help me handle it correctly. 

 

 

We’ve been asking the wrong questions.

There is a major trend in the church world today toward a CEO model of ministry. This mentality has totally changed the way that we evaluate our success as leaders and leadership teams.  

Far too often the pastors performance is measured primarily in numbers of people that attend, numbers of dollars in the bank, and numbers of building projects that have been completed. The higher the number of each of these the more successful the pastor and his team are considered to be. 

Unfortunately how Godly a leader is or the quality of his prayer life, takes a back seat to his ability to keep up with the church down the street, or run the latest church growth strategy.  

Because of this in the past several years we have seen pastor after pastor fall prey to moral failures, money mismanagement, depression, and running themselves so hard they have to resign their church due to emotional and physical breakdowns. 

If we look around the christian and church landscape I think we would all agree that something needs to change. Maybe the change starts in us.  Maybe we need to stop asking the question, “How many am I running” and start asking ourselves, “How am I doing?"

How am I doing in my personal faith in Jesus?

How am I doing loving and serving my spouse?

How am I doing at parenting my children?

How am I doing at making disciples not gathering church attendees?

As a Christian leader, I’m going to start asking different questions to gauge my success. 

I hope you will join me. 

 

If I were a great leader, I would ...

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Everyday, we see all of these guys and ladies around us doing great things and making a difference. That's great, but how do we do the same thing?  

Here is what I would do, if I were a great leader  ... 

Lead myself well. 

- Feed myself the word of God.

- Spend one hour per day mastering my craft. 

- Workout at least 30 minutes per day. 

- Have a hobby. 

Lead my family well. 

-  Date Days

-  Time with kids 

-  Phone off by 7pm every night 

-  Enjoy every day because tomorrow comes to quickly

Know the answer to the three most important questions of life. 

Leadership is influence nothing more and nothing less. 

Answering three questions will give you influence - allow you to lead. 

Who am I?

Why am I here?

Where am I going?

Look at the Apostle Paul

Who am I?   I am Apostle

Why am I here?      To be all things to all men might win some

Where am I going?    Forgetting the past I am pressing on to the high calling in Christ

Look at the Partier from back in your High School Days. 

This guys never went to a party alone ... why? He could answer these three questions. 

Who am I?    I am a partier

Why am I here?   I am here to party

Where am I going?   I am going to a party - do you want to go?

Look at Jesus himself

Who am I?   I am the way truth and life

Why am I here?   I am here to seek and save the lost

Where am I going?   I am going to to prepare a place for you 

Let me ask you ...

Who are you?

Why are you here?

Where are you going?

Say "yes" less and "no" more often. 

We have one thing we need to accomplish. But we start saying yes to helping them, going there, hosting that, and before you know it we are doing so many things we aren't doing anything well. 

Great leaders are driven by principle, not by desire to please people. 

Do what I do best and delegate the rest. 

So much that needs to be done every week in life and ministry. You and I think we can do everything. But we cant! 

We need to - Do less, so we can do better. 

How to delegate?

1. Speak it verbally.  

2. Spell it out in writing.

3. Slowly release it to them. 

Hear before I speak. 

James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

Don’t just listen - hear - to many times we listen to the sound someone is making with their mouth - but we don’t hear them - hear their pain - hear their excitement - hear what they are really saying. Far too often, we are too busy wanting to hear ourselves speak that we don’t really hear others 

Three tips for hearing.

1. Put phone down 

2. Look in the eye 

3. Don't be afraid to ask, "Can you tell me that again."

Don’t speak about how things are, but how they should be. 

James 3:3-4  If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.

Power in words - James - your words take you where your are going. 

If all you do is talk about how things are … your words will keep you where you are

We can’t get volunteers 

Our volunteers never contact us back

We just don’t have the money 

I don’t know what to do 

All of these statements ... take you right back to where you currently are. They don't move you forward. 

Every great leader at the end of a problem … asks a question. 

How can we get volunteers - What can we do to hear back from them - What can I do to get more money - 

Don’t speak about how things are … ask questions … and speak howthey are going to be

Dream Big then get off the couch. 

God wants to do big things through us ... no just for us. 

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

Every time in history (other than creation) that God did something ... he always used a person. 

Moses - David - Esther - God did big things through them … not for them 

God works through us .... not just for us. 

Proverbs 10:4 A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.

What could God do in your family - ministry - house - church …. he could do amazing things - if you allow him to do it through you 

Build a team to accomplish everything. 

Nothing great ever happens alone … it only happens through a team. 

Build a team to accomplish everything. 

Ephesians 4:11-12 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ,

Team to prepare messages 

Team to do worship 

Team to handle finances

Team to clean the house - you don;t have to do it alone 

Team to set up and tear down 

Team to coordinate volunteers 

The work that leaders do is prepare others to do the work. Leaders build teams and by doing so we help people find their place … and things get accomplished. 

If I were a Great leader I would …. know I can’t do all of these at the same time. So I will pick two and begin applying them over the next two months. 

The steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord 

We over estimate what we can do in a day - and underestimate what we can do in a lifetime.

Go back through these 9 points. Find one thing that you are dong well at. Find two things you need to improve on. Make these two your focus for the next two months.  

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17 things every youth pastor must do.

I recently did an audio podcast breaking down all 17 of these points in detail. To listen to the podcast CLICK HERE

1 - Love Jesus more than you love ministry.

2 - Love your spouse more than you love ministry. 

3 - Love your kids more than you love ministry. 

4 - Work for God, not a paycheck. 

5 - Serve you Pastor well. 

6 - Take care of your body. 

7 - Read one book per month. 

8 - Put more emphasis on the parents of teenagers. 

9 - Delegate one thing that you have been doing. 

10 - Memorize one scripture per month. 

11 - Listen more.

12 - Talk less. 

13 - Make a difference, not excuses. 

14 - Stop comparing yourself to them. 

15 - Dream big, then get off the couch. 

16 - Make disciples not attendees. 

17 - Preach the word. 

I recently did an audio podcast breaking down all 17 of these points in detail. To listen to the podcast CLICK HERE